Consultation · Sydney & online
Support someone without adding to the pressure.
Think through safety, contact and the help you can realistically offer.
Consultation for relatives and friends concerned about coercive control or a controlling relationship. Consider safe communication, your boundaries and specialist support.
Your support should not depend on someone making the decision you prefer.
Concern can leave you unsure what to do.
You may notice less contact, fear around everyday decisions, restrictions on money or movements, or a partner answering on the person’s behalf. You may also have only fragments of the situation.
We can take those observations seriously without treating the consultation as an assessment of the couple or a legal finding. A clear label is not required before seeking appropriate safety support.
Think about whether contact is safe.
A call, message or offer of help may not be private. Avoid assuming that a device, email account or usual contact method is safe. Specialist domestic and family violence services can help consider the circumstances.
Consultation can help you examine the pressures in your own response: repeated demands to leave, unmanageable promises or withdrawing support when the person does not act as you hope. Your safety and limits matter as well.
What we can work on with you.
Offer support without conditions
Consider what you can say and provide without making agreement or an immediate exit the price of help.
Keep practical offers realistic
Think through transport, accommodation, care or ongoing contact only where they are safe and genuinely available.
Look after your own needs and limits
Clarify boundaries, the strain on you and when another professional or service needs to be involved.
Counselling does not replace specialist safety work.
TEC does not provide emergency intervention, protection orders, family law advice, couples mediation or a service for confronting an alleged perpetrator. Do not test someone’s control by provoking them.
For domestic, family or sexual violence concerns, 1800RESPECT provides specialist support and information. Threats, danger and child-safety concerns may require an immediate or statutory response rather than a routine appointment.
Common questions.
Should I tell them to leave?
There is no one answer that is safe for everyone. We consider your response and practical limits, with specialist safety guidance where needed. The person may face risks or rely on support you do not know about.
Can you contact their partner or mediate?
No. This consultation is for your understanding and support role, not an intervention with the other person or couples mediation.
What if they stay?
You can consider maintaining safe, realistic support while holding your own boundaries. The work does not guarantee a particular outcome.
Further information.
- 1800RESPECT — coercive control
Information and specialist domestic, family and sexual violence support.
Service information from The Exit Clinic. These pages are not an assessment of you, another person or a group. External resources offer other perspectives; they do not establish the facts of your situation.
The Exit Clinic
Founded by JT Kua, Counsellor, and Isabel Pham, Social Worker.