Consultation · Sydney & online
Concerned about someone in a group?
A way to think about your response without taking over theirs.
Consultation for relatives and friends concerned about a cult or high-control group. Focus on your communication, boundaries and realistic ways to offer support.
Your concern matters. So does the other person’s room to choose.
Start with what you have noticed.
You may have less contact, feel worried about money or demands on their time, or notice that questions about the group lead to conflict. You may be unsure how to respond without making the relationship harder.
We can separate what you have seen yourself, what someone has told you and what you think it might mean. Membership of an unfamiliar or demanding community is not enough to establish that the person is being controlled.
Consider what the group provides.
Understanding why the group matters to them does not mean approving of everything that happens. Friendship, faith, purpose, practical support or identity may be part of what makes participation important.
The aim is not to prepare the perfect argument that makes them leave. We consider your relationship, any pressure already present and ways your response could leave more room for conversation and support.
What consultation can help you consider.
Communicate without demanding agreement
Think about how to ask, listen and discuss particular concerns without making agreement the price of contact.
Set your own limits
Consider what you can provide, what you cannot and how to make boundaries clear without using support to control a decision.
Prepare practical support
Explore what help would actually be available if the person wanted to question, change or reduce involvement.
Clear limits to this work.
We do not assess the absent person, decide what kind of group it is from a family member’s account, contact the group on your behalf or provide forced exit, extraction or deprogramming. Another person may make choices you do not agree with.
Where threats, abuse, exploitation or safeguarding concerns need action, specialist services may be necessary. If a child or adolescent is involved, age-appropriate assessment and consent arrangements need separate attention.
Common questions.
Can you get them out?
No. We do not promise an exit or run an intervention that overrides the person’s consent. The consultation concerns your response and appropriate support.
Should I confront the leader?
There is no single recommendation for every situation. Confrontation may have consequences for you and the person you are concerned about. Specific safety and specialist advice may be needed.
Can I get support for my own distress?
Yes. Your wellbeing matters too. If you mainly need support with your own distress, individual counselling may be more suitable.
Further information.
- ICSA — resources for survivors and families
Information about high-control-group experiences and support. It does not establish the facts of a particular case.
- 1800RESPECT — coercive control
Information and specialist domestic, family and sexual violence support.
Service information from The Exit Clinic. These pages are not an assessment of you, another person or a group. External resources offer other perspectives; they do not establish the facts of your situation.
The Exit Clinic
Founded by JT Kua, Counsellor, and Isabel Pham, Social Worker.